Backbenchwarmer

It is said every man who has been ostracized  in society is really a genius in disguise. While that was said by me, it doesn’t make it any less true. It has been a while since I last communicated with you all and I want you to know I am alive and well. Oma and I have taken to a few hobbies that had us off the computer altogether. We’ve been selling Avon as a side venture to help our financial situation. (If you need any foundation or concealer, do let me know. It’s perfect for getting rid of those worry lines when facing the heat in the court of law, might I add.)

Perhaps I should recap all of the things worth noting that have happened in my absense.

• Michael Jackson Passed Away
• World Economy Collapsed
• Marlene McDonald put on a few
• Tiger Woods
• $2, 000, 000 flag
• Arima to Port-of-Spain increased to $6
• Detox still hasn’t come out
• Avatar was a terrible movie

You readers are like the COP, think you are smart but don’t know a thing. Luckily I am here to guide you lost lambs like the good shepherd I am. What do you think all these things have in common?

That’s right. The PNM are directly or indirectly responsible for all these things. If you need me to explain why or how, then please refrain from reading my blog immediately.

As I have found myself in a position of having more time, I will go into why the PNM is continuing to ensure the downfall of our society. Believe me when I say it is no small feat to kick dust in the face of Trinidadians, by making them pay an exorbitant amount of money at $6 to travel to Movie Towne, only then to see the detritus that was Avatar?

As for my political career, it is no secret that “she” has taken up the reigns of my beloved party. And while my actions may confuse it is the few smart ones who read my blog, that will know and understand that while my actions may seem selfish and contrary to what I claim to stand for, it’s because I have sense of pride that I act the way I do.

Of course everyone wanted to talk about Calder Hart, and while exposing PNM corruption is in fact very near and dear to my heart, people have turned a blind eye to the real issues facing us: me not leading the UNC. Such a travesty is not something we should take lightly, and the revolution will be televised. The UNC has been a boat, that, yes, may not have held water when it came to trivial things like “integrity” and “public trust” but is no different than any other political party. I am the captain of the SS UNC, and like a good captain will be the last one on the boat as it sinks. Even if I have to sink it myself.

Sasha and Jerry, Sitting in a Studio

It seems as thought this Sasha and Jerry thing is the talk of the town, and since my opinions matter more than anyone on anything even though I may not have any authority on the issue I’ll give the correct take on the issue.

First, let me say how great it was to see that Jerry Narace is the purest of the PNM breed. Talking and talking and talking without giving anyone a chance to talk on their own segment edge-wise is so very typical. Welcome to my world Sasha. When I watched the video all I could think was the only thing missing was she get kicked off the show for using a laptop.

The second thing I want to say is that I am sorry, Sasha. I know you are a big supporter of mine, and you show this in each and every single one of your reports. For that I must thank you, and no, I do not think you have to worry. The people in the country are more concerned with food prices, Facebook and Keisha Cole & T-Pain to notice the bias in your reporting. Take the advice from a BS master, nobody will remember what happened last week. You think anybody remembers that “interview” with the “journalist” Anil Roberts?

Jet Men

I suppose you are all up to your necks in news concerning this multi-million dollar jet that these ridiculous PNM members want to purchase. I think I have kept my silence long enough on the issue. First off, I think it is quite typical of the PNM to brazenly make purchases of this nature. The PNM government is all about spending. Spending, spending and more spending.

I recall when Kamla was the education minister she realized we had to build a lot of schools as we said we would in the budget. She then made it clear that we don’t need to spend as much as we said we would, so we built fewer schools than we said we would and look at us now!

I must admit, if I were to go down in a blaze of glory as I said I pleaded with you to I might be in a similar position as Patrick. I will be totally honest in saying that it is tough travelling about the world. There are arguments that Caribbean Airlines can carry you wherever you need to go, but there are problems with dealing with commercial flights. I see no problem with owning a jet but there are 2 things to consider.

Timing is the first thing. Now may not be the best time to make such a purchase. While it may save time, there really are a lot of things that can be done with this money, perhaps putting it in a London bank account? For the interest, of course. To give back to the country.

The second thing to consider is the type of jet. Raffique Shah says most flights that need to be taken will not even be very far so a cheaper jet may be suitable.

This would not be such a big problem if people voted for the UNC. Frugality is something we know. We would have spent as little as we could and put that money elsewhere, provided the integrity commission doesn’t find out.

But you voted for the PNM, the only jet I am concerned with is getting the high score in Jetman on Facebook.

I Actually Agree With The PNM

I have a smile on my face reading about the COP not being allowed into parliament. I don’t even care about the reason, I’m just glad they did it. Oh, how I long to be home again to wreak havoc on them.

Mister Duck and Run then went on to say something about the COP only spending $12 million on the last election while the UNC-A and PNM spent $249 million. I’m not sure what the point he was trying to make was exactly. Perhaps that the COP is inadequate and should not be allowed to enter parliament? That seems like it.

Where Is Mine?

I demand to know why there was no effort to do the same for me, telling people about my blog.

Last Time I Checked, You Couldn’t Heal Death

President George Maxwell Richards had some words to the nation recently.

“We need healing from the many bruises, some of them self-inflicted, which we have experienced and will continue to experience, if we fail to consider one another,” …

–President George Maxwell Richards

I would just like to say, that I see no bruises, other than my ego if you want to include that. The real self-inflicted pain was Dookeran’s political suicide. The crazy old man went as far as to say:

“I look forward to seeing a gentler, caring people, working together for the betterment of ourselves, our families and our communities.”

-President George Maxwell Richards

What am I to do? Hug manning and go build a puzzle with him? I said it once and I will say it again:

“I want to say, every time one of your family or friend is murdered, kidnapped, robbed, raped, I want you to go and stand up in front the mirror and look at yourself. Look at your face. That is what I want you to do. Then I want you to hold your hands together and prayer. You are responsible because you have voted for the PNM and COP, or not at all.”

–Basdeo Panday

There is no way I can “heal” after what Winston did. As if my bouts of gas due to my unbridled rage were not enough, I have to read this:

From here on, the COP will begin to prepare for the upcoming Local Government Elections

Why is the CORPSE sticking around? I played the role of political undertaker already and now I must see that the CORPSE still wants to stick around? Is nobody aware of the unbearable stink that we will be left with as a result of the CORPSE carcass laying around? Fine. So be it. It seems the 3 Amigos will have to do this the dirty way. I, Ramesh and Jack will be the vultures, for the people, to pick away at the CORPSE one morsel at a time. We will not stop until the CORPSE is nothing but bones to feed to the dogs.

(CLICK FOR SLIGHTLY LARGER VERSION)

image courtesy the National Geographic Alliance

Actually, Ramesh and I are the vultures, Jack is the corbeaux.

Maybe that will teach Dookeran a lesson. We will do this only for you, the people!

Shubh Divali!

Oh, What A Monumental Day

Oh the same day that the people have begged for me to return to blogging, I have also been begged to lead the UNC. The people really do govern how I move. No, the people of the nation decide what movements I make. I almost feel as though I should rename the UNC to show this. Something like the People of the Nation’s Movement. I will have to speak with Ramesh on this. I would love a name like that.

Woodford’s Queer/Vagrant Invasion

As we were all painfully aware, I did not win the election, and Patrick’s swearing in took place in Woodford Square. I had to see for myself, so I was willing to endure Jack’s whining after changing “Sesame Street”.

Upon watching, George Maxwell Richards wasn’t the only one doing some swearing.

“Bas, dat shoulda be we yuh know.” said Ramesh, thoughtfully.

“Don’t worry, we gonna give them hell.” I told him.

What was interesting was where the PM said the meeting took place: I hope the PM knows that all those “supporters” were vagrants living in Woodford Square and were just cheering because they were glad free red jerseys were being handed out.

I am sure an actual supporter or two may have stumbled in, but even they are future vagrants, considering how high food prices are.

All of this aside, there was no mention in the dailies about my triumphant return to blogging after retiring a long time ago. Seems as though the PNM has started controlling the newspapers, keeping these important stories out. Thank goodness the UNC is getting their “internet pimp game on,” as Ramesh puts it. Got to love Ramesh, even though I DESTROYED his career with those pitears.

My Farewell, Final Thoughts And Ramesh Pitears

Well folks. It seems as though this is it. I am an honest man, and this is, as promised, my final post on my blog. I will give you a while to compose yourself, but do not feel bad about crying: I have grown accustomed after working with Winston.

Now then, I would like to just say that I place blame on all of you. While I have gone through this already, I need to re-iterate what I said:

“I want to say, every time one of your family or friend is murdered, kidnapped, robbed, raped, I want you to go and stand up in front the mirror and look at yourself. Look at your face. That is what I want you to do. Then I want you to hold your hands together and prayer. You are responsible because you have voted for the PNM and COP, or not at all.”

In short, I do not care if you exercised your constitutional right to vote for whomever you chose to vote for. I, in my infinite wisdom, have deemed you all responsible. What this means is that if you were among the intelligent persons to vote for the United National Congress Alliance, you are not responsible for any of the murders, kidnappings, robbings or rapings. It’s essentially a get out of jail card, or at least it would have been, but we’re not in power, are we? No! So now you have to suffer, suffer under the mafia. Suffer under the teacup mafia! Now people will be held responsible for your actions! This is madness! This is Balisier country!!!!!

Are you people wrapping your heads around this? I hope you are, I hope to almighty God that you are.

As if the stress of all this is not enough, the CORPSE is showing signs of life and trying to fight, but like a headless chicken, I mean duck, ultimately, the fight will be lost. Why so jealous of the dual citizenship? Because Bharath has 2 citizenships and you have none after Trinidad disowned you for splitting the vote? Your only defense is that you fell and hit your head, causing temporary retardation, making you put your [X] by the rash. For everyone else, LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

At the very least, there was some good to come out of this.

Mikela won her seat. While it was as surprising as “The Gladiator” hanging up on callers during his show, we will take what we get.

Jack also won his seat, and while we came to an agreement, that he would be repaid for all the pretty advertising when we came into power, he is very understanding of the situation, but we will deal with this at some point. Ramesh and I had a good laugh, though, as yet again we were able to convince Jack that “Red was prettier than blue” when it came to dollar bills and he will be taking a $1 salary. Thank goodness the boy is so gullible.

Because Ramesh and I had a good laugh means nothing. While the CORPSE is to blame, Ramesh’s relationship with me has been on the rocks. He knows what he did, and I would like to leave you with the pitears that will destroy Ramesh’s career! You are not the only one who can find pitears when it is most convenient to you.

HERE THEY ARE! OF RAMESH PUBLICLY URINATING! THIS IS A SERIOUS OFFENSE, ON THE CALIBER OF NOT WEARING YOUR SEATBELT, OR GOING INTO THE POOL LESS THAN 10 MINUTES AFTER EATING!

I leave you with this, dear friends, and hope that you remember me and my blog. And Remember Ramesh for what he has done!

I know you are in tears that blogging tenure has come to an end, but like a phoenix, rising from the ashes, there is hope, as Austin Jack Warner will take over as leader of The Extra Secret Blog of Basdeo Panday.

From now on, Jack will take over this blog, welcome him with open arms, and I bid you all a farewell!

Friendly Gesture From Patrick

Just got wind of a press conference of some sort that took place. It was a bit impromptu but I managed to swing in for the small affair. Apparently Patrick saw what we’re trying to do with Jack’s speech impediment. Actually, I’d call it something more like an obstacle, a roadblock perhaps. He presented Jack with a brand new Hooked on Phonics program in his small speech saying:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am a humble man. But am by no means weak. Do not mistake my kindness as weakness. We are not helping the opposition, we are helping ourselves, the PNM, because we cannot debate when only one party is saying something the least bit discernable.”

In typical Patos fashion, he went on for a while, eyes were rolled and then the 15 minute event ended.

I am not sure what to make of this. I am a liar, of course I know. This is obviously an attempt to sway last minute undecided voters, but you have to come better than that Patrick! You have NOTHING to do with UNC internal issues, so stay out of what does not concern you!

This is a desperate man.

There was some talk of Ramesh being there, but I didn’t see him, nor did he come up in any pictures. He knows better than to not be where he is not wanted right?