Get The Election Coverage With Me

On November 5th, don’t go online anywhere else but right here. Forget all the other places filled with lies. I’ll be hosting a chat that evening, and more information will come soon. All aboard the unity express!

Kamla D’ Rappa?

I must admit, there were rumblings inside the UNC Alliance that Kamla was pursuing a rap career. I know not to give such nonsense a second thought, but when the evidence is in front of you, you have to take notice. Apparently she recorded what is referred to as a “diss track” for me when I was generous enough to let her lead the woman’s arm of the United National Congress Alliance.

As usual, Ramesh was able to dig up a pityear for me. But Ramesh did one better, he managed to get the song. Listen for yourself! I will let this slide, considering she was a bit hot-headed, not to mention her stress must have been off the charts because we made her not drink for the entire month. I am showing compassion this time Kamla, but next time, you may not be so lucky.

GET THE SONG

Where Is Gillian Lucky?

Some news you will only get here and not in any mainstream press I would like to share with you. Apparently Gillian Lucky has gone missing. I suppose “gone missing” isn’t the correct term. Gone into hiding seems more appropriate. It’s going to be Vday for victory as recent polls as conveniently carried out by Ramesh have shown Gillian suffering a crushing defeat. The news has resulted in Gillian’s sudden departure from the political scene. I would not be surprised if he didn’t come back.

I have managed to obtain a pityear from Ramesh, who is a magician at finding pictures for anything, showing steps being taken to locate Gillian. I think this is a clear sign that the Alliance is a force to be reckoned with and will be triumphant on November 5th. Good luck to the CORPSE in finding their candidate.

Jack Be Muffled, Jack Be Thick

I want to be frank and honest with you, as is the very character of my being. I don’t want to lie about houses in Germany or anything of the sort. You all know me to be an honest man and it is with that honesty I must talk to you like an emperor to his humble servants, about Jack. I know this may be hard to believe, but Jack has been less than clear when he speaks. This has been going on for some time, but I think it is something we have been able to keep under raps for the longest while.

Being the unstoppable force that we are, we can afford to be perfectly clear with the smallest of problems that we may have to overcome. I just want to let you in on what has been happening with this situation. Jack was a bit apprehensive when we told him about it. “Raba daba, babba dubba!” he proclaimed a few months ago when I told him about it.

“Jack, if you want to run the country, people have to understand what you are saying.” I told him. He did come around, though, and 2 months ago we started to take collection – a fund to help Jack learn to speak like a true politician. Coming from a sporting background there was no need to really speak. I would like to share with you a picture taken when we made good with those funds.

Las week, the UNC held a “Jack Day” where Jack put on a little show to show us how much he had learned over all that time. It was a smashing success. He won a trophy for being the “bestest speller named Jack in the UNC” and we also presented him with a special prize. I hope you understand that this is the government for you, the government that will let you into our internal affairs, and is willing to change the things that make us less than perfect. I will be giving you more updates on Jack in the future. Until then, be ready to be part of the Alliance on November 5th.

Who Is Allyuh?!

Who is Alluh? The people behind this blog should pack up shop and go take some CEPEP work for speculating that me and Patrick are the same person. How dare they make such conjecture available on the internet? Obviously this blog is a product of the People’s National Mooks and should  find something of more value, like cutting cane. Oh, I’m sorry, can’t do that, can we, Patrick?

The same person. The nerve!

So, Anyone Can Have a House?

So, because I may or may not have a house or two in London/England/Pakistan/Lebanon/Saudi Arabia/Westmoorings/South Africa/Arima/Singapore/West Africa/North Africa/North, North East Africa/China/Belize/Colorado means this man can come copy me just like that? I will have you know, sir that I worked damn hard for what I took, legally. GOOD MAN, Ramesh, for ratting him out. Why you waited all this time, after Patrick Manning publicly humiliated you for helping him in the past is a bit curious and yes your overall track record is a bit suspect, but none of that matters. What matters is we got the truth out there and this is yet another reason the United National Congress Alliance will be victorious come November. What was the date? Ramesh, remind me of these things!

Oh yes, and we have photo take outer evidence! This is an exclusive pitear we were able to obtain covertly. This is the kind of truth you only find in the Probe every 6 months, to tell you how rare it is.

Ramesh boy I not sure if you seeing this, but you have to show me how to turn up the image in photoshop boy. I think the people too stupid to figure out we change it up, but it looking good still. And when you coming home this evening, don’t forget the new Hooked On Phonics for Jack, he move up to the next level.

What Really Happened In South Africa

Well, I am back from South Africa. The trip was wonderful. It sometimes amazes me how we have the money to do all these ads, bring in foreign artistes, pay general campaign expenses and jet set to South Africa on a whim. Yes, I have some money coming that I managed to – ehm, save from when I was last in office, but Jack really came through. Jack’s pockets are as bottomless as Gillian Lucky is butch. Ramesh is not half the man Jack is.

As we touched down in Johannesburg that day, my hands firmly in Jack’s, I couldn’t help but feel overjoyed at the prospect of having Mr. Mandela over to Trinidad. He would be the winning piece to the puzzle enabling us to win the election. It’s all we needed. At the very least, I knew he would be much better than Sizzla. The meeting was a delight. Mr. Mandela complimented us much on what was going on in Trinidad. The overpass, the industrialization, etc. not to mention the football.

Interesting fact, he was overjoyed and very thankful I would put him in the banner for my blog. He said he wanted to start a blog of his own but figured he would observe me for a few more years before doing so. A wise choice that was, considering, without the proper training nobody would even know you had a blog. All the attention would just be on me. In case you forgot, Patrick Manning has a blog, not that you care.

When Jack started talking football, a perplexed look came upon the once exiled leader’s face. He couldn’t understand what he was saying and asked me if Jack was from the province of Limpopo where the education has been poor within recent years leading to the children raising themselves and relying on their own language consisting of grunts, the pelting of fecal matter and mimicking of noises picked up by the local animals. After informing him that Jack was with me and not on a humanitarian mission, I translated and Mr. Mandela was glad how things were coming along.

After a very verbose yet enjoyable discussion, Mr. Mandela begged us to take him to Trinidad to talk with all of you and tell you how the United National Congress Alliance would lead the way to a better T&T. But it was not to be.

I looked at Jack, giving me that twinkle in his eye that said to me we were thinking the same thing. “Mr. Mandela, I think it best if you stay here. Your ill health is more serious, but we will be more than happy to relay any messages you send to the people of Trinidad and Tobago.”

“I am concerned. I am very concerned.” chimed Jack, as we shook hands and ended our meeting.

Some tears were shed, but we did what we set out to do, discussed how we could bring unity to the people of Trinidad and Tobago. With one last plea to come with us, we left his excellency in high spirits.

With all this said and done, we would still like to bring in someone in the blog header. We are looking into the availability of actor Gerard Butler to come on the platform in costume.

It was a delight to chat with the myth, the legend, the man in my blog header, though a passing comment about liking Andrew Jennings sent shivers up Jack’s spine.

Raaaaaaaameshhhhh!

Did I teach you nothing? When I get back from Africa we need to rumble like we did in the old days. Me, you and a tea-cup.

What I go Through To Write This Blog

This is the kind of effort I put into blogging and anything for that matter. Do you want someone who is always working or someone who is so good he has time to relax? I think the decision is obvious. Newsday came in and had to maco my business as usual, interrupting me from doing my blogging which I absolutely love doing. That’s the tool right there and I understand if you feel jealous of how technically advanced we are over at the UNC. I am running Windows 95 and when typing the computer even wants to help me, with this cute little paperclip coming up from time to time. Even the computer knows I am the person to impress.

I have to confess something…

I have to confess, it’s my ringtone, but it’s just so catchy. Ramesh, get this guy to make a catch ringtone song like this. Now!

You should be able to download the ringtone now, seems as though there was interference causing it to stop working…