Backbenchwarmer

It is said every man who has been ostracized  in society is really a genius in disguise. While that was said by me, it doesn’t make it any less true. It has been a while since I last communicated with you all and I want you to know I am alive and well. Oma and I have taken to a few hobbies that had us off the computer altogether. We’ve been selling Avon as a side venture to help our financial situation. (If you need any foundation or concealer, do let me know. It’s perfect for getting rid of those worry lines when facing the heat in the court of law, might I add.)

Perhaps I should recap all of the things worth noting that have happened in my absense.

• Michael Jackson Passed Away
• World Economy Collapsed
• Marlene McDonald put on a few
• Tiger Woods
• $2, 000, 000 flag
• Arima to Port-of-Spain increased to $6
• Detox still hasn’t come out
• Avatar was a terrible movie

You readers are like the COP, think you are smart but don’t know a thing. Luckily I am here to guide you lost lambs like the good shepherd I am. What do you think all these things have in common?

That’s right. The PNM are directly or indirectly responsible for all these things. If you need me to explain why or how, then please refrain from reading my blog immediately.

As I have found myself in a position of having more time, I will go into why the PNM is continuing to ensure the downfall of our society. Believe me when I say it is no small feat to kick dust in the face of Trinidadians, by making them pay an exorbitant amount of money at $6 to travel to Movie Towne, only then to see the detritus that was Avatar?

As for my political career, it is no secret that “she” has taken up the reigns of my beloved party. And while my actions may confuse it is the few smart ones who read my blog, that will know and understand that while my actions may seem selfish and contrary to what I claim to stand for, it’s because I have sense of pride that I act the way I do.

Of course everyone wanted to talk about Calder Hart, and while exposing PNM corruption is in fact very near and dear to my heart, people have turned a blind eye to the real issues facing us: me not leading the UNC. Such a travesty is not something we should take lightly, and the revolution will be televised. The UNC has been a boat, that, yes, may not have held water when it came to trivial things like “integrity” and “public trust” but is no different than any other political party. I am the captain of the SS UNC, and like a good captain will be the last one on the boat as it sinks. Even if I have to sink it myself.

Twitter Me This

Where to begin…
I suppose I should start off by saying where I have been gone all this time. Three words: World of Warcraft. I know, you didn’t think the Silver Fox had the time to be raiding with the UNC guild, but you’re wrong. I was kicked out of Parliament after all. I think when I get reinstated I will have to move with one of those Netbooks, like the Dell Mini 12 so when Patrick with those Coke-bottle frames wants to say anything I will simply claim it is a calculator. Anyway, moving right along.

So Patos is back with the blog and of course can’t stop talking about me. And forget dealing with this HCU situation (thank goodness Oma made me open that ScotiabankBE account) because Patos has to Twitter! Being the pioneer that I am, I already have my Twitter profile up and running and it has been active since last year.

This wajank had my Facebook profile removed, then comes to speak ill of me on Twitter. The poor soul believes the Twitter spam bots I have following him are real.

I also had to had the prefix “fake” to my name, for fear that Patrick does to my Twitter account what he did to my Facebook. I promise to update more often, I have received many emails, or an email with many letters, can’t remember which.

Guess Who’s Back

Well, it’s been quite a while since we had any sort of communication, so perhaps I should fill you in on what has been happening. What do you say? Good.

The first and main reason I have not been around is I am just way too tired. bMobile insists on taking up all my time by giving free calls and text messages after 10 and I have been taking advantage of it! I’m pretty sure they did this just for me, as a means of saying they support me after being kicked out of parliament for no reason whatsoever. Don’t bother trying to get the same deal, it probably won’t work for you.

I know Ramesh has been trying all sorts of trickery to get me back into parliament but I am having way too much fun thanks to my free calls so I decided to come up with some bullshit reason to not carry it any further. Something about betraying trust or something, I can’t remember. Truth be told, I just get some UNC secretary to make up stuff and send it out in press release, as well as a script I can read in case a reporter calls for a quote or something. I don’t tell  you how to do your job, and a steady stream of bullshit is hard to come by after all.

It’s been so long since I have been on this computer, so forgive me if there are any typos.

Okay, I’m off. Might I just say the Chris Brown concert was HOT! Right now Oma and I are trying to figure out how to make it to the T-Pain and Keisha Cole concert. If there’s internet there I will update you all on what is going on, or if not I can always Twitter. Twittering from the Keisha Cole concert, now that scenario seems like it’s sent from heavan.

Global Voice Question

Taran asked some questions over at the Global Voices site and I thought I would post my replies here.

What are the stances on:

(1) Internet Penetration (where T&T is the lowest in CARICOM).
(2) Environment: Did EVERYONE collect their payoffs for the smelter already, or is there still a fighting chance to maintain some of the environment in Trinidad?
(3) Return to no VAT for computer related imports.
(4) Trade agreements with Latin American countries and Caribbean countries (not just CARICOM) for lower prices? Chavez has a nice computer plant…
(5) Weapons Permits: When are businesspeople NOT going to have to bribe someone to get a weapons permit? Or could you at least lower the amount of the bribes necessary, and perhaps get rid of that ‘must by weapon from person you bribed’ clause?
(6) EMA Noise Pollution: Can either of you (and Dookeran, for that matter) produce EMA variances for the noise your campaigns are making with those bush-speaker-mobiles-at-ungodly-decibel-levels? How do you expect the country to abide Law when the politicians do not? Perhaps your homes should become little Jerichos…

1. Trinidad’s Internet Penetration is lower, meaning it is more exclusive. Quality over quantity.
2. Humphrey has much to gain from the smelters, so I would say there isn’t anything to do not bring them.
3. I’m sorry – what? The PNM has instituted that as of right now. Are you even IN Trinidad?
4. Chavez is a whiny bitch. I borrowed his beret and he won’t stop texting me to give him back.
5. The current system works.
6. Everyone knows the law doesn’t apply to politicians.

I feel so productive today. Finished speaking on the platform. More on that soon.

Orange Sky, The Colour Of Unity

I think I should talk about us getting Orange Sky to perform at our big rally. They obviously see the vision of the Alliance, and it makes sense that Orange Sky be the band that performed for us. The reason the sky was orange? It was the colour thanks to the rising sun. Mr. Rojas and I have been friends for a long time. Nigel came to me one day. He was telling me about wanting to start this band and had to come up with a name. I had suggested “Dead Balisierz,” “C.E.P.O.O.P,” and “Hartless Valley” but we decided to go with the UNC theme, rising sun. Thus, Orange Sky was born.

I would like to take this opportunity to again thank, publicly, the band for their showing faith in the future of the country. Countries. Countrii? I usually forget about Tobago? I just remembered I would have to deal with the pain in the ass THA. I think we’ll go through with the idea of selling them to Barbados. More on that another time, if the readers are interested.

Again, thanks Orange Sky.

Would you vote for a party that has the support of moderately successful Orange Sky? Or go for other parties who have radio jingles?

I think the country is really getting what it is I am saying, thanks to the blog. My country, you are welcome.