Guess Who’s Back

Well, it’s been quite a while since we had any sort of communication, so perhaps I should fill you in on what has been happening. What do you say? Good.

The first and main reason I have not been around is I am just way too tired. bMobile insists on taking up all my time by giving free calls and text messages after 10 and I have been taking advantage of it! I’m pretty sure they did this just for me, as a means of saying they support me after being kicked out of parliament for no reason whatsoever. Don’t bother trying to get the same deal, it probably won’t work for you.

I know Ramesh has been trying all sorts of trickery to get me back into parliament but I am having way too much fun thanks to my free calls so I decided to come up with some bullshit reason to not carry it any further. Something about betraying trust or something, I can’t remember. Truth be told, I just get some UNC secretary to make up stuff and send it out in press release, as well as a script I can read in case a reporter calls for a quote or something. I don’t tell  you how to do your job, and a steady stream of bullshit is hard to come by after all.

It’s been so long since I have been on this computer, so forgive me if there are any typos.

Okay, I’m off. Might I just say the Chris Brown concert was HOT! Right now Oma and I are trying to figure out how to make it to the T-Pain and Keisha Cole concert. If there’s internet there I will update you all on what is going on, or if not I can always Twitter. Twittering from the Keisha Cole concert, now that scenario seems like it’s sent from heavan.

Chicken Grease Fracas

Listen, I know there is a lot of murmur going around because of this article in The Express. Let me just say that I can explain everything. It’s quite simple, really. First, let me say that I find it totally unfair that people aim to just attack me over and over because of one or two incidents that may have taken place in the past. The media should get the full story and not just print based on what they see clear as day, regardless of what my character seems to be, to you.

First, let’s address this:

one saw the Prime Minister volunteering to go across the floor to extend the hand of friendship to all UNC MPs, while on the other one witnessed the Opposition Leader turning away before reluctantly accepting the PM’s extended hand and immediately using his handkerchief to wipe his hands clean, literally and metaphorically, of any involvement or association with Manning and his administration.

Now, don’t you think I would have a totally valid reason for doing this? Open your eyes, people! In the cafeteria we were hanging out before the bell rang for parliament and Patrick came in all show-offy with some big cardboard boxes. Inside were boxes of Church’s Chicken which Patrick bought for everyone in the PNM and none for the UNC. While they were finishing up eating, the bell rang and everyone made their way in, but guess what – NOBODY washed their hands. You expect us to shake hands with people whose hands are greasy from fried chicken and lovely smelling biscuits? I think not!(Those biscuits were smelling good, man.)

The second thing to address is this little ditty:

Sinanan rose, ordering both men to sit as he declared in a stern voice: “Gentlemen, I am on my feet.” Both men sat but Basdeo Panday shouted back defiantly: “You are on your feet, so what?”

So everyone has their arms up as though I am so disrespectful! You are the ones who should feel sad. If you were part of parliament you would know we have a running gag where the speaker is supposed to say “Simon says” but no such thing was done. Had he said “Simon says I am on my feet.” I would have remained quiet and you would not be talking about all of this over your morning coffee.

I’m still a bit angry I didn’t get one of those Church’s biscuits.

Mansion Maniac

Oh no, the emperor is in the mansion. I hear Hazel is hiring a team of gardeners to plant the bush of the PNM logo all throughout the yard. When Ramesh confronted Patrick about this, guess what his reaction was!?

And it goes without saying I am back. TSTT’s Blinking service has been horrid. Ramesh! Get on that! Worst tech support ever!

Woodford’s Queer/Vagrant Invasion

As we were all painfully aware, I did not win the election, and Patrick’s swearing in took place in Woodford Square. I had to see for myself, so I was willing to endure Jack’s whining after changing “Sesame Street”.

Upon watching, George Maxwell Richards wasn’t the only one doing some swearing.

“Bas, dat shoulda be we yuh know.” said Ramesh, thoughtfully.

“Don’t worry, we gonna give them hell.” I told him.

What was interesting was where the PM said the meeting took place: I hope the PM knows that all those “supporters” were vagrants living in Woodford Square and were just cheering because they were glad free red jerseys were being handed out.

I am sure an actual supporter or two may have stumbled in, but even they are future vagrants, considering how high food prices are.

All of this aside, there was no mention in the dailies about my triumphant return to blogging after retiring a long time ago. Seems as though the PNM has started controlling the newspapers, keeping these important stories out. Thank goodness the UNC is getting their “internet pimp game on,” as Ramesh puts it. Got to love Ramesh, even though I DESTROYED his career with those pitears.

Farewell Tomorrow

Much like Patrick, my blogging will come to an end. I must remain truthful to my promise that if I lost, I would stop blogging. I did, and I shall. Tomorrow my farewell blog, due to WordPress.com giving some trouble at the moment. I was never extended an invitation as with Pat and TTblogs. That is how the crix crumbles, I suppose.

Tonight I shall entertain you with my presence in chat again, before the farewell tomorrow. Or not, depends on if Jack is giving trouble to go to bed.

Tomorrow, dear friends.

What Went Through Your Head, CORPSE Voters?

Why would you vote for the CORPSE? Why would you split the vote?

You voted for the old bush logo and now they are in power. Why would you vote for the old bush?

Why would you not vote for the rising sun?

Why would you split the votes? Why did you put the [X] by the rash?

Our Manifesto, The One You Care About

Our manifesto, like that of the other political party in this 2 horse race, is readily available. Crime, transport? Bah! I’ll tell you the things that show you why the Alliance is YOUR political party.

• FREE blogs for all citizens of the country. The United National Congress Alliance government will make it that every citizen of the country will have a blog for free. We will subsidize the major cost.
• FREE email address. We will make it that every citizen will have a free email address with a whopping 2MB storage space!
• Marijuana will be legalized, meaning the fellas on the block can come out without fear to sell, as they help the economy.
• Anil Roberts will be publicly muzzled. No longer will the people of Trinidad and Tobago have to be subjected to the loudness and nonsense spoken by Anil Roberts. It will be illegal to be Anil Roberts, and as punishment, he will have to listen to a recording of himself on Power 102 wherever he goes thanks to a chip implanted in his brain. Also, he will be forced to wear a hairpiece, so as to reduce glare, which has caused many an accident on the highways.
• Purple band maxis will be implemented, going direct routes to beaches, malls and bars. As insisted upon by Kamla.
• Sprangalang will be forced to shower.
• The National Anthem will be rewritten, and performed by Richie Spice.
• Emperor Patrick Manning will be moved to the Emperor Valley Zoo.
• FREE hops bread for all!
• Free Hooked On Phonics Systems; the success of such systems can be seen by Jack Warner.
• While crime will be dealt with, other pressing issues will be as well – WE promise to find out what Gillian Lucky really is.
• We will also figure out why and at what point Hulsie came back.
• Morgan Job will be relegated to a museum as it is our duty to help the people of today and tomorrow understand where we came from by showing a living specimen of the link between ape and man
• FREE bags of rice to everyone; it’s pre soaked and salted, and well aged;
• FREE baliser for all! In an effort to lower our expenditure, we are going to stop the production of toilet paper, but we still need to wipe our asses.
• NEW sets for CNC 3 and that Jay Q character will be sent to do radio work from now on.

Dirty Politics is Utter Garbage

There were reports in the news about the venue for the UNC rally being totally covered in garbage and left there, with seemingly no one going to clean it up.

The reports also stated that Eddie Hart ground was cleaned up, with all the garbage in bags ready to be thrown away and that the COP venue was spotless.

What do you expect when Patrick has an army of CEPEP workers? Just because the PNM thinks thing through all the way and anticipated the garbage to have it clean says nothing. If the UNC knows a lot about something, it’s garbage and getting around to things when they need to be seen about.

That garbage will get seen about eventually, have no fear.

As for the CORPSE and their venue. How can there be garbage if nobody was there?

Kamla’s Secret Lair?

Someone sent in these pitears along with a message that purports that Kamla has received these packages at her secret lair. I don’t know how true it is, or if it is any reason for concern. As for her secret lair, it seems the rumors of her moving into the village rumshop are true.

CFR Corruption

So Caribbean Free Radio has interviewed “Patos” and said other politicians would not have the stamina to keep up a blog. WRONG! I vow to continue blogging as long as the PNM have this man on the internet polluting the tubes with lies. Speaking of when Patos might step down from blogging, here is an interesting quote “As to whether I’ll continue blogging, that depends.”

Might I suggest November 5th?