Backbenchwarmer

It is said every man who has been ostracized  in society is really a genius in disguise. While that was said by me, it doesn’t make it any less true. It has been a while since I last communicated with you all and I want you to know I am alive and well. Oma and I have taken to a few hobbies that had us off the computer altogether. We’ve been selling Avon as a side venture to help our financial situation. (If you need any foundation or concealer, do let me know. It’s perfect for getting rid of those worry lines when facing the heat in the court of law, might I add.)

Perhaps I should recap all of the things worth noting that have happened in my absense.

• Michael Jackson Passed Away
• World Economy Collapsed
• Marlene McDonald put on a few
• Tiger Woods
• $2, 000, 000 flag
• Arima to Port-of-Spain increased to $6
• Detox still hasn’t come out
• Avatar was a terrible movie

You readers are like the COP, think you are smart but don’t know a thing. Luckily I am here to guide you lost lambs like the good shepherd I am. What do you think all these things have in common?

That’s right. The PNM are directly or indirectly responsible for all these things. If you need me to explain why or how, then please refrain from reading my blog immediately.

As I have found myself in a position of having more time, I will go into why the PNM is continuing to ensure the downfall of our society. Believe me when I say it is no small feat to kick dust in the face of Trinidadians, by making them pay an exorbitant amount of money at $6 to travel to Movie Towne, only then to see the detritus that was Avatar?

As for my political career, it is no secret that “she” has taken up the reigns of my beloved party. And while my actions may confuse it is the few smart ones who read my blog, that will know and understand that while my actions may seem selfish and contrary to what I claim to stand for, it’s because I have sense of pride that I act the way I do.

Of course everyone wanted to talk about Calder Hart, and while exposing PNM corruption is in fact very near and dear to my heart, people have turned a blind eye to the real issues facing us: me not leading the UNC. Such a travesty is not something we should take lightly, and the revolution will be televised. The UNC has been a boat, that, yes, may not have held water when it came to trivial things like “integrity” and “public trust” but is no different than any other political party. I am the captain of the SS UNC, and like a good captain will be the last one on the boat as it sinks. Even if I have to sink it myself.

Now I’m Banned From Parliament?

Well, look at this. Yesterday I made an attempt to perform my duty and represent the people of the country that I love when I was stopped by Senior Superintendent Lopez. We had a bit of an exchange as The Express reports:

“The suspension was for one day, so I come to do my duty and I don’t know who’s stopping me from entering the Parliament…is it the Speaker? Did the Speaker order you to arrest me if I come here?”

The officer, in a very soft and almost inaudible tone, said: “Yes Sir, the Speaker has said to restrain you from coming.”

Panday shot back, “Restrain me physically, with force and violence and that kind of thing.”

“No violence Sir,” the officer immediately replied as Panday quipped , “How could you use force without violence?”

Trying his best to control the situation the officer told Panday, “I know you are a man of wisdom.”

Panday replied: “Anyway, anyway…this is not your fault, I am not quarrelling with you, I assure you of that, OK.

“I am here to do my duty because I received no communication from anybody and I presume that I was right to be here, if however you say you are instructed by the Speaker not to let me in, I will comply with your wish.”

“You have your duty to do and I have mine,” he continued as he asked the officer, “May I ask your name please sir..because I am going to have to swear to [an] affidavit”.

Panday explained that if the Opposition takes legal action against the Speaker, the entire controversy will have to be documented.

The officer gave his name as Senior Superintendent Lopez as Panday continued, “Thank you kindly and can you tell me when he (Speaker) instructed you.”

Lopez said he was given notice on Thursday by Sinanan to block Panday from entering the House and told Panday, “I appreciate your cooperation”.

“My pleasure, my pleasure,” responded Panday.

So it occurs to me that the PNM really has it out for me this time. Barendra Sinanan must have really gotten his palms greased with some oil money to go along with this one. The media was in my face so I figured why not tell everyone what the PNM is all about – I might as well, Ramesh and I have an ongoing bet to see who can get the most press coverage for the year. As I am about to tell the media how it is all a big conspiracy, the unthinkable happens.

“Mr Panday! Mr Panday! That is a lie! It is not a conspiracy! You lie!” shouted the unidentified man.

The man was restrained by some Charlotte Street vendors who told him to shut up and behave.

He refused to listen and proceeded to shout and yell and verbally attack Panday, pushing media personnel in the process.

“Just so! Just so! Let me have my say! Let me have my say!” shouted the man.

As the fracas heightened, Panday calmly said, “Alright, alright…I’m going home”.

He then gently made his way through the crowd and disappeared in a blink of an eye.

The bugger cut me off! I’ve been telling Oma we have to start doing like the royalty we are and have a veil or blanket of some sort over us when in public like Michael Jackson does with his children. (When I was discussing this with her one time, Jack was there and said that it would be a good idea if we all did it, especially since Ramesh’s face has been harder to look at lately what with the botched Botox job and all.)

Oh and I appreciate the media realising I was able to disappear in the blink of an eye – I figured since I would be banned from parliament (forget that I said I didn’t know, shh) I would take up magic.

Well, I better get some rest, I have to prepare for a meeting with those vendors (do I know how to take advantage of a situation or what?)

Wade Mark says he has a plan for next year (that’s political speak for “we have a year to think of something”). Got to love Wade, and all our members. Always thinking on our feet!

Laptop Injustice

I hope you all see what I go through for you. I had to go through a terrible ordeal in Parliament. You see, I was trying to go through my usual rounds on my laptop which was just recently fixed, hence my being quiet for quite a while. Patrick as we all know, stopped blogging because he realized I am and always will be better at him in any and everything.

I was on my usual sites, Bossip, Perezhilton, etc. when I was going to update my blog after so long. It turns out Patrick had it out for me. The setup was grand.

The PNM set up the whole thing to make me look bad. They had speaker Barry Sinanan first chastise Gary Hunt for using his laptop. The point was to make it look as though  nobody can use a laptop basically, so when I went about my merry way online they wanted to rest it on me like Akon did to Danah Alleyne in Zen when she went for “ice cream” that time.

But I was defiant.

Of course police had to get involved and whatnot and Ramesh knows as well as I that this is good publicity. We’re going to have a meeting to see how best we can spin this to make me out to look like Nelson Mandela again. I may have a lot more time for blogging since I may be out of parliament until December, though that can change.

The things I do for you.

Barbados and Trinidad in Fishing Cahoots?

Barbados’ Prime Minister David Thompson and Patrick Manning are involved in things I do not want to talk about, but I must. During some talks on a new fishing agreement Thompson said:

 “Neither PM Manning nor I am responsible for where fish travel in the Caribbean and all our fishermen want to do is follow them.“

This of course comes after Patrick said it would not be unreasonable to have a new agreement within a year. Listen to me: FORGET ALL THAT.

What is happening right under our noses is bigger than anything you, me or Ramesh knew about. Have you ever seen the movies Men in Black? (Oma brought them home years ago thinking they were pornographic.) After seeing these movies you will know exactly what it is these two hoodlums are up to: they’ve formed a secret society comprised of the two of them in which they use a neuralyzer to get other countries in the Caribbean to agree to whatever fishing agreements they want, meaning Trinidad and Barbados may go as they please in any waters and fish to their heart’s content.

Actually, I’m hankering for some Dolphin right now, but this is a word to the wise in Trinidad and Barbados! Stay alert! And of course, I have the pitear to prove what I am saying.

Mansion Maniac

Oh no, the emperor is in the mansion. I hear Hazel is hiring a team of gardeners to plant the bush of the PNM logo all throughout the yard. When Ramesh confronted Patrick about this, guess what his reaction was!?

And it goes without saying I am back. TSTT’s Blinking service has been horrid. Ramesh! Get on that! Worst tech support ever!

How About I DON’T Shut Up?

Mr. Manning seems to be totally unable to think for himself in any capacity whatsoever. When the idiot King of Spain told the wonderful Hugo Chavez to “shut up” it sent shivers up my spine that such disrespect would be directed to such a great man. Now when I have finally been able to think of something to say (I do love the sound of my own voice) Mr. Manning wants to tell me the same. I have a better idea, how about I don’t? Don’t like it? Well, you don’ have a choice.

“I could easily invoke the comments of the very distinguished King of Spain when he was dealing with the President of Venezuela,” Manning quipped.

–Patrick Manning, Insult Thief

Patrick, when you can come up with some insults on your own, please contact me and I will be happy to hear, then ignore. Don’t take too long, since we look forward to the convening of parliament. Your lack of planning has already resulted in an earthquake, but what Ramesh and I have in store is sure to rock your world.

Note To Self

Basdeo, remember to do a few things.

• Blame the lack of posting on the blog on an injury you will talk about in another point.
• Blame the lack of posting on the blog on government not being in session.
• Blame the lack of posting on the blog on being tired and a little spaced out after the Sean Kingston concert.
• Blame not having a voice on booing so much at the Sean Kingston concert.
• Buy the Sean Kingston CD so you can know what the other songs were Sean Kingston sang, realizing they were good songs making you feel bad for booing.
• Explain to people you were in Zen to see Sean Kingston and wanted to look cool, so you got Ramesh to go on the top floor with Jack to make it rain, only to realize jack brought a bag of quarters, not singles, dropping it from above, landing on your foot, leading to an injury that has kept you away from blogging.
• Remind people you will resume posting regularly when more interesting things happen.

In The Local Gov’t Elections

Please, vote for the PNM. Vote for the PNM, who cannot even prevent simple earthquakes from happening. When the UNC was in power, earthquakes were at a minimum and no more than .2 on the richtor scale. Who is this richtor fellow at any rate? Ramesh, please make a scale for me. I should have a scale called the Basdeo scale.

Well, What The Hell?

I’ve looked at this, as suggested by Shivonne. I honestly do not know what to say.

I Love This Blog

By this blog, I obviously mean my blog. I don’t think I have to tell you my blog is the greatest thing since Kiss Hops. Far be it for me to make your eyes deviate from the splendor that is my blog, but when things are slow here I will allow you to view this blog about Trinidad and Tobago media.

Watch TT Media shows all the atrocities committed by our media. It is to Trinidad and Tobago media what this blog is to the PNM and COP. I love it.

Could someone writing for that blog please contact me? I wanted to submit things but found no way of doing so.