Backbenchwarmer

It is said every man who has been ostracized  in society is really a genius in disguise. While that was said by me, it doesn’t make it any less true. It has been a while since I last communicated with you all and I want you to know I am alive and well. Oma and I have taken to a few hobbies that had us off the computer altogether. We’ve been selling Avon as a side venture to help our financial situation. (If you need any foundation or concealer, do let me know. It’s perfect for getting rid of those worry lines when facing the heat in the court of law, might I add.)

Perhaps I should recap all of the things worth noting that have happened in my absense.

• Michael Jackson Passed Away
• World Economy Collapsed
• Marlene McDonald put on a few
• Tiger Woods
• $2, 000, 000 flag
• Arima to Port-of-Spain increased to $6
• Detox still hasn’t come out
• Avatar was a terrible movie

You readers are like the COP, think you are smart but don’t know a thing. Luckily I am here to guide you lost lambs like the good shepherd I am. What do you think all these things have in common?

That’s right. The PNM are directly or indirectly responsible for all these things. If you need me to explain why or how, then please refrain from reading my blog immediately.

As I have found myself in a position of having more time, I will go into why the PNM is continuing to ensure the downfall of our society. Believe me when I say it is no small feat to kick dust in the face of Trinidadians, by making them pay an exorbitant amount of money at $6 to travel to Movie Towne, only then to see the detritus that was Avatar?

As for my political career, it is no secret that “she” has taken up the reigns of my beloved party. And while my actions may confuse it is the few smart ones who read my blog, that will know and understand that while my actions may seem selfish and contrary to what I claim to stand for, it’s because I have sense of pride that I act the way I do.

Of course everyone wanted to talk about Calder Hart, and while exposing PNM corruption is in fact very near and dear to my heart, people have turned a blind eye to the real issues facing us: me not leading the UNC. Such a travesty is not something we should take lightly, and the revolution will be televised. The UNC has been a boat, that, yes, may not have held water when it came to trivial things like “integrity” and “public trust” but is no different than any other political party. I am the captain of the SS UNC, and like a good captain will be the last one on the boat as it sinks. Even if I have to sink it myself.

I Actually Agree With The PNM

I have a smile on my face reading about the COP not being allowed into parliament. I don’t even care about the reason, I’m just glad they did it. Oh, how I long to be home again to wreak havoc on them.

Mister Duck and Run then went on to say something about the COP only spending $12 million on the last election while the UNC-A and PNM spent $249 million. I’m not sure what the point he was trying to make was exactly. Perhaps that the COP is inadequate and should not be allowed to enter parliament? That seems like it.

The Right Mentality.

I just had to comment on some of the intelligence I have seen displayed here, on the Trinituner forums. People like this make me proud to be doing what I am doing., and for you no less.

 so in a nutshell, 2 men showed up at an appartment near uwi. presented some form of ID stating they were t&tec employees. told the girls renting there that the landlord made a report of low voltage in the building and they were assigned to check it out. being properly/professionally dressed and presenting what appeared to be valid ID, the girls let them in. they went around the apartment inquiring what appliances they had etc. eventually the girls found it suspicious that the men kept on asking if they had laptops and where they were located in the appartment. the girls said no, although they did and then eventually realised that their phones which were in their rooms were missing. they told the men to give the phones back to them, but the men started cussin and carryin on. they eventually left, and one of the girls (whose mother, father and sister are all police officers) was able to get the car number… thank god nothing happened to the girls.. it could have been worse, but nevertheless… vote pnm

to all the people who vote pnm or cop… fcuk all ah allyuh. u are alll a$$#0les…

Trinituner Forum 

Thank you! As we are painfully aware,  had the votes been swayed in favour of the UNC, none of these murders would be taking place, crime would automatically go down to essentially nothing. At least there are some intelligent people who know what is what. I just don’t know how else to put it. Voting for the UNC would mean we would find no bodies in trunks, nobody being killed, UWI would be safe to walk around naked and babies would not be stolen from hospitals.

Ramesh, The Chief Whip

I’m no rumor monger, but the Newsday is saying that Ramesh is to be chief whip. I am remaining tight-lipped, but like Inshan Ishmael’s lack of education you all pretty much know it even if nobody comes right out and say it. So, let me just say that it is pretty much certain Ramesh will be announced as the chief whip of the United National Congress. Alliance! Yeah, can’t forget that, right?

Now, I need to tell you, this decision is subject to change, but say what, I’ll tell you what, I love my blog readers so much I will bestow upon you the advanced knowledge of who it is. Yes, Ramesh will be chief whip. Even better, I will tell you how Ramesh came to be Chief Whip. He managed to get hold of the official Chief Whip costume and re-did the lyrics to “Whip It” so you may now get a taste of our new official Chief Whip theme song. Oma, Jack and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves the other night as he performed for us. How could we say no to that?

I have to mention though, Kamla was a bit perturbed  to hear Ramesh singing,afraid Ramesh would be giving her competition.

I do enjoy this pitear.

Whip It (Sparta Verzion) by Two-face Ram

Crack that whip
Don’t let your tongue slip
Plan your attack
Check (cheque) in Oma’s bank

When a problem comes along
You must whip it
You’ll lead before too long
You must whip it
Doesn’t matter if you’re wrong
You must whip it
(Jus now Bas goin’ and fall dong)
(You mus whip it)

now whip it
into shape
shape it up
get Landate
go forward
move ahead

hire detectives
it’s not too late
to whip it
whip it good

when jack and kamla come arong
you must whip it
you must always fight them dong
you must whip it
no one gets their way
cause you’ll whip it

I say whip it
whip it good (x 2)

That Meeting Friday

Don’t forget we have that meeting coming up on Friday. I know how people feel in the country. Elections come around and they are ready to get up and fight and do whatever they can for their party, but as soon as elections are over, they devolve into some sort of vegetative state. Find yourself at my meeting Friday. The UNC is a well-oiled machine, in which case I can give you a hint as to what we will be unveiling.

WWBPD?

Sometimes when I have a serious situation to deal with and I’m not sure what to do, I simply ask myself: “What would Basdeo Panday do?” When I do this, it all comes to me and my problems magically find solutions.

So, I have this CORPSE problem. They split my vote, they made me NOT be Prime Minister again. What does Basdeo do?

Ramesh said something that gave me a great idea.

Perhaps we should offer Winston a Senator post, that could heal this division of voters. I’ll look like a caring, humble opposition leader while Winston gives up all he is fighting for at the CORPSE and comes back to the UNC much like Ramesh did about 4,352 times. Maybe then I could find some fault with Winston (I’m good at making up faults in people after all) and I could revoke the job. Then Winston would be screwed for local Government elections.

This sounds too good to be true, if it were to happen. Then again, I’m just asking what Basdeo would do. It’s not like I’m capable of anything like that, I’m not him.

No Emotion

Was reading about myself in the Newsday as usual and came across some lovely words by me. When being sworn in today, I intend to be emotionless. Take not of what I have pointed out, about the people voting against the Alliance.

The majority of people in this country have been disenfranchised…

–Basdeo Panday

I remember a simpler time when we had KFC, Pizza Hut and maybe a Royal Castle or two. Now we have Long John Silver, Popeye’s Burger King, Subway, Quizno’s and whatever the hell Boomers is. Prestige Holdings has disenfranchised the nation, causing them to vote for the PNM. They are the enemy.

This Is What You Voted For

So the PNM making a bunch of budget cuts or so it seems.

If the people in charge of the country can’t be well paid, what does that say for you?
With the UNC, when we were in power, at the very least we were well paid, that you can be sure of

Local Government Election Meeting

Listen, we never sleep. Never. In fact, I am pretty sure Kamla is a vampire, or a lajabless. On Friday we are going to have a meeting for local government elections. Sometimes I wonder to myself how I manage to get so many people to be in support of the UNC.

Looking at a Newsday article, I saw this snippet:

During his address to supporters last Monday night after the UNC Alliance lost the general election, Opposition Leader Basdeo Panday urged supporters to wash their bright orange jerseys and put it safely away in preparation for the next local government elections.

Seeing that reminded me of winning the election in ’95. Ramesh told me:

“Boy yuh know it orange arready, bess we make it extra orange ent?”

I do not know how, but Ramesh got the Philippino-children sweatshop owner to use an extra bright dye that would affect people’s eyes when in sunlight. The idea was that over enough time, it would impair people’s vision long enough that when they went in the voting booth, if they had a change of heart in voting for us they wouldn’t be able to see properly and still end up voting for us. I guess it worked because we won. Ramesh wasn’t able to have that happen in subsequent batches of jerseys, mind you. He ended up discovering some pitears of the owner and he was shut down. Old ways die hard, and start young, I suppose.

Last Time I Checked, You Couldn’t Heal Death

President George Maxwell Richards had some words to the nation recently.

“We need healing from the many bruises, some of them self-inflicted, which we have experienced and will continue to experience, if we fail to consider one another,” …

–President George Maxwell Richards

I would just like to say, that I see no bruises, other than my ego if you want to include that. The real self-inflicted pain was Dookeran’s political suicide. The crazy old man went as far as to say:

“I look forward to seeing a gentler, caring people, working together for the betterment of ourselves, our families and our communities.”

-President George Maxwell Richards

What am I to do? Hug manning and go build a puzzle with him? I said it once and I will say it again:

“I want to say, every time one of your family or friend is murdered, kidnapped, robbed, raped, I want you to go and stand up in front the mirror and look at yourself. Look at your face. That is what I want you to do. Then I want you to hold your hands together and prayer. You are responsible because you have voted for the PNM and COP, or not at all.”

–Basdeo Panday

There is no way I can “heal” after what Winston did. As if my bouts of gas due to my unbridled rage were not enough, I have to read this:

From here on, the COP will begin to prepare for the upcoming Local Government Elections

Why is the CORPSE sticking around? I played the role of political undertaker already and now I must see that the CORPSE still wants to stick around? Is nobody aware of the unbearable stink that we will be left with as a result of the CORPSE carcass laying around? Fine. So be it. It seems the 3 Amigos will have to do this the dirty way. I, Ramesh and Jack will be the vultures, for the people, to pick away at the CORPSE one morsel at a time. We will not stop until the CORPSE is nothing but bones to feed to the dogs.

(CLICK FOR SLIGHTLY LARGER VERSION)

image courtesy the National Geographic Alliance

Actually, Ramesh and I are the vultures, Jack is the corbeaux.

Maybe that will teach Dookeran a lesson. We will do this only for you, the people!

Shubh Divali!